State of the Union – Bush a Dynamic, Competent Speaker? Who Knew?

The State of the Union is a mandated activity by the US Constitution. Monday night was President Bush’s last State of the Union Address.

And . . . I was completely prepared – for playing State of the Union drinking game that is. If you don’t know what that is, read up on it. I highly recommend it. In brief, you down a shot or a gulp of beer every time the President utters a specific word or phrase (such as Anbar Province), or commits a Bushism (such as saying Nukular).

Anyhow, I had meticulously lined up my alcoholic drinks and shot glasses on the kitchen counter. My laptop was carefully placed next to the shot glasses with my browser pointed to the drinking game website for reference purposes. My LG LCD TV was tuned to an HD channel covering the event with the volume blasting. I had even arranged for a baby sitter. I was ready and abuzz with immense anticipation.

TV coverage of the event began. I popped open a beer can. The President began to speak. I opened a liquor bottle and poured several shots. I was ready. Say “troop surge”, please! It’s worth 2 shots.

I knew I was going to pass out fairly quickly. I had ample evidence. Watch and listen to these Bushisms – they don’t get any better:

• Childrens do learn.
• My job is a decision making job and, as a result, I make a lot of decisions.
• Can’t be the President and the head of the military at the same time.
• I hear there’s rumors on the Internets.
• I couldn’t imagine somebody like Osama Bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah.
• Too many OBGYNs are not able to practice their love with women.
• I know human beings and fish can exist peacefully.
• And lots more!

But then something remarkable and completely unexpected happened. In my utter and absolute amazement, I saw a confident, articulate and passionate speaker whose speech was every bit as masterfully delivered as humanly possible. The tone, speed, presence and delivery were all perfect. He even looked at ease, and appeared as though he was taking pleasure in giving a fabulous speech, the likes of which we have not seen in the past 7 years. Even the ranks of Eisenhower, Reagan, and Clinton would be envious and proud.

It didn’t make sense. I was confused. There was something wrong. This person was clearly an impostor. Alright buster! Who are you and what have you done with our President? George Bush is not capable of speaking in this manner. Is this in any way related to the recent UFO sightings in Stephenville, Texas? Why did it take 7 years for Bush to learn to speak this way?

As for the content of the President’s message, who cares? I didn’t pay attention. These things are generally for show anyway and not just limited to this presidency. With that kind of mastery of public speaking by the leader of the free world, the actual content is irrelevant.

This was refreshing and mesmerizing. Instead of drinking, I was actually watching the President speak. Everything was going great until the President said the word “nukular”.

History’s Lesson: All Walls Come Down; US/Mexico Border Fence is a Waste of Money and Resources

I will not deliberate the merits of constructing a US / Mexico border fence. The reasons for and against building it are too numerous, and each side boasts many valid arguments. Rather, I’d like to underscore some pertinent lessons of history.

No wall has ever endured the rigorous test of time in the entire chronicle of human civilization.

The Berlin wall, touted by the East German government as an “anti-Fascist protective rampart”, was ineffective in ceasing defections to the West. Around 5000 successful escape attempts into West Berlin were made through a myriad of techniques such as jumping, tunneling, and flying ultralight planes.

President Reagan’s famous “tear down this wall” speech, on June 12, 1987 was a testament to the pointless isolation and needless destitution caused by the wall. At the end, the wall fell after 28 years in the fall of 1989.

>>Watch Video of Reagan’s “Tear down this wall” speech<<

 

The Korean Demilitarized Zone is a strip of land that divides the Korean Peninsula in half. It was mostly instigated by the Communist North and conceived for protecting itself from Western aggression and values. Do we not mock North Korea for needlessly, and quite childishly, isolating itself from the World community?

 

The Great Wall of China is the largest human made structure ever built in terms of surface area and mass. Its span of 4000 miles was guarded by more than one million men at its peak. At the end, it was breached by sheer human resolve.

 

 

Even the prospect of a 90 mile sea journey through brutal ocean waves was ineffective in averting tenacious Cuban refugees from achieving ingenious ways of reaching freedom.

 

For years, we superciliously imagined that we are protected by two vast oceans on either side of us. On 9/11, we learned a harsh but precious lesson: isolation doesn’t work; it never has. We must ask ourselves this question: what is the purpose of the fence?

 

It will not prevent determined terrorists from entering the US. In fact, there is no evidence of a terrorist ever attempting to enter through Mexico. In contrast, we do have evidence of them attempting to enter through Canada. It is logical to assume that the next terrorists attacking the US are either already here, or will enter via legal means.

 

Therefore, the fence will most likely prevent only illegal aliens – seeking a better life – from crossing the border. And if that’s the strongest support for the fence, then I argue that we are misappropriating our funds.

Illegal immigration can be curbed and controlled through many other means that do not result in needless hardship or billions in cost (there are no official cost estimates yet). Better enforcement of existing citizenship laws is one way. More effective use of technology is another. Will they be 100% effective? Absolutely not. But neither will the border fence as history has so unambiguously demonstrated. Utter human determination will discern an approach to defeat any barrier – by going over, under or around it.

Deport Illegal (Extraterrestrial) Aliens

You thought we were alone, didn’t you? You thought they didn’t exists. Area 51 is a long way away from where you live; so you’re safe, right? Well, you were wrong . . . dead wrong.

Several dozen residents of Stephenville, Texas – located 60 miles southwest of Dallas/Fortworth – reported observing a UFO on January 8, 2008. Witnesses swore – and crossed their hearts and hope to die – that the object was bigger, faster, and flying lower than an airliner. And it was apparently capable of changing its configuration of lights.

Interestingly, there are no pictures or videos of the sighting. Are you kidding me? Don’t people in Stephenville have cameras or camera phones? Aren’t there any Best Buy or Circuit City stores near there?

In fact, according to Google maps, there are numerous Circuit City stores around Stephenville, including one that is a mere 344 ft from the geographic center of the town (Location F). Click on the map if you don’t believe me.

That means someone could have practically run to the Circuit City store, bought a camera, stood in line to pay for it, and run out in time to snap a photo in about 5 minutes. Is that too much to ask?

But the real news is this. It is high time that we face our very real problem of extraterrestrial aliens. They visit the cities of our great land uninvited, and without proper documentation. There is no doubt that they are among us, and are taking aviation jobs away from Americans. They may even be doing . . . um, unspeakable experiments on us.

Congress should allocate money for a giant net over the United States skies. The holes in the net could be large enough to facilitate passing of airliners while small enough to exclude UFOs. let’s tell them, in a unified voice, that they are not welcome here without permission or invitation. No visas, no free publicity for ET. Take your stinking alien ass and your ridiculous, unsafe UFOs back to your stupid planet. I bet you don’t have seatbelts, airbags, and even cup holders.

Disney Gives Microsoft New CIO, Microsoft Gives Disney New Toy (Vista)

Microsoft has confirmed that it has stolen (um . . . hired) Disney’s current CIO, Tony Scott. He replaces Microsoft’s old CIO, Stuart Scott, who was canned for ‘violating internal company policies’ – meaning he committed one of the following offenses:

• Surfed porn in his office
• Did not upgrade to Vista as ordered
• Dual booted his company PC with Linux
• Bought a MAC for home
• Used an IPod instead of his company issued Zune (which he couldn’t sync with other Zune users because it requires you to ask them if it’s OK to transfer songs, then you can only play it 3 or so times before having to purchase it . . . don’t get me started!)

First of all, does anyone else find it amazing that the new CIO has the same last name (Scott) as the old one? Great Scott! What are the odds?

Here’s my theory. Microsoft had no choice in the matter. Don’t think of ‘Scott’ as a mere last name. Rather, it is a backward acronym (ttocs) which stands for Today Test Our Crappy Software.

Second, it is astonishing that Microsoft was unable to promote someone from within its vast IT organization, especially since internal promotions are standard practice for them. Clearly, no one with the last name of ‘Scott’ was promotable. But there had to be at least one guy with the first name of ‘Scott’ worthy of the position. I suspect the reason for the fresh face is that IT staff at Microsoft have watched the infamous Steve Balmer video too many times, and are completely hyped up on Red Bull and Cheez-Its. Watch this video if you don’t know what I’m talking about.

Back to the story . . .

The following beneficial changes top the new CIO’s ToDo list:

• Daily self affirmation and reflection hour for MS staff – “We are good enough, our software is perfect as is, Google and Apple suck, and you will be assimilated”
• Implementation of Nap time after lunch for all IT staff, which will improve play time quality in the afternoon
• Replacing all servers and Operating Systems with Sun Microsystem workstations, thereby immensely improving up-time for Windows Genuine Advantage validation server
• IPhones for IT staff at Microsoft – synced with Gmail accounts, of course
• ZunePhones for Microsoft executives
• Mandatory cruises (in lieu of vacation days) on Disney’s cruise liner
• Goofy stress balls for IT
• ressurrection of Microsoft Bob . . . Remember that? Believe it or not, it lives on even under Windows XP

We have high expectations for you, Mr. Scott. Good luck, and remember that we’re all counting on you. Keep the systems up and Windows running because we can’t afford MAC laptops.

Enough About Bhutto Already – She was Corrupt and bad for Pakistan

Not a day goes by that I don’t stumble upon some new article that either tributes Bhutto for her heroism or articulates apprehension over her unexpected departure. The assertion is that she was going to be Pakistan’s liberator from clutches of tyranny.

I beg to differ.

We can all agree that Benazir Bhutto demonstrated extraordinary valor in the face of ubiquitous and perilous threat to her life. But courage alone is of no value without integrity.

If you have kept up with political news recently, you are well aware of Bhutto’s former corrupt political life. She named herself President of her party for life. Millions of dollars were lost (perhaps stolen) during her reign. Numerous other examples of scandals led to her disgrace, ousting from the office, and exile.

With that in mind, consider the following. Our detestation of Castro in Cuba should not favorably influence our opinion of his predecessor, Batista, who was also a violent military suppressor. Khomeini’s hatred of the US should not fallaciously lead us to believe that his predecessor, Shaw of Iran, was any lesser of a brutal dictator. Similarly, the chaotic state of Pakistan and our view of Musharraf do not make Bhutto a less corrupt and deceptive politician.

Bhutto’s presence in Pakistan had the potential of being nothing short of disastrous. Two corrupt politicians competing for power was not good for Pakistan. Do not assume, even for a moment, that Bhutto would not return to her former corrupt ways – and rather quickly. To think otherwise is to naively delude ourselves.