State of the Union – Bush a Dynamic, Competent Speaker? Who Knew?

The State of the Union is a mandated activity by the US Constitution. Monday night was President Bush’s last State of the Union Address.

And . . . I was completely prepared – for playing State of the Union drinking game that is. If you don’t know what that is, read up on it. I highly recommend it. In brief, you down a shot or a gulp of beer every time the President utters a specific word or phrase (such as Anbar Province), or commits a Bushism (such as saying Nukular).

Anyhow, I had meticulously lined up my alcoholic drinks and shot glasses on the kitchen counter. My laptop was carefully placed next to the shot glasses with my browser pointed to the drinking game website for reference purposes. My LG LCD TV was tuned to an HD channel covering the event with the volume blasting. I had even arranged for a baby sitter. I was ready and abuzz with immense anticipation.

TV coverage of the event began. I popped open a beer can. The President began to speak. I opened a liquor bottle and poured several shots. I was ready. Say “troop surge”, please! It’s worth 2 shots.

I knew I was going to pass out fairly quickly. I had ample evidence. Watch and listen to these Bushisms – they don’t get any better:

• Childrens do learn.
• My job is a decision making job and, as a result, I make a lot of decisions.
• Can’t be the President and the head of the military at the same time.
• I hear there’s rumors on the Internets.
• I couldn’t imagine somebody like Osama Bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah.
• Too many OBGYNs are not able to practice their love with women.
• I know human beings and fish can exist peacefully.
• And lots more!

But then something remarkable and completely unexpected happened. In my utter and absolute amazement, I saw a confident, articulate and passionate speaker whose speech was every bit as masterfully delivered as humanly possible. The tone, speed, presence and delivery were all perfect. He even looked at ease, and appeared as though he was taking pleasure in giving a fabulous speech, the likes of which we have not seen in the past 7 years. Even the ranks of Eisenhower, Reagan, and Clinton would be envious and proud.

It didn’t make sense. I was confused. There was something wrong. This person was clearly an impostor. Alright buster! Who are you and what have you done with our President? George Bush is not capable of speaking in this manner. Is this in any way related to the recent UFO sightings in Stephenville, Texas? Why did it take 7 years for Bush to learn to speak this way?

As for the content of the President’s message, who cares? I didn’t pay attention. These things are generally for show anyway and not just limited to this presidency. With that kind of mastery of public speaking by the leader of the free world, the actual content is irrelevant.

This was refreshing and mesmerizing. Instead of drinking, I was actually watching the President speak. Everything was going great until the President said the word “nukular”.