My Kid Is A Bundle Of Joy? I Beg To Differ!

Shut up already about how much joy your kids bring into your life! Stop pretending. The jig is up.

A new study conducted by Florida State University has validated what I’ve thought for years and have been saying for the past 15 months. Are you ready for this? They discovered that children may not make parents happier and that childless adults, contrary to popular stereotypes, may often be more contented than people with kids. Robin Simon, one of the authors of this study says that parents “definitely experienced more depression.”

Thank God, Alluh, and Buddah that other people feel the same way as I do, even though no one is willing to publicly admit it.

I do not like newborns. There is no joy in taking care of them. They may be little miracles, but they are too fragile, unable to communicate, tough to predict, and a complete pain in the butt. You (yes, you the reader) feel the same way too; you just don’t want anyone else to know.

My daughter is now 15 months old, and I believe this is the sweetest time ever. I love her smiles and giggles. I enjoy showing and teaching her new things. I love to see her learn new skills daily. I love how she points to everything that she wants, and she knows what she wants – she’s a female. I love discovering her personality which reveals itself a little bit every day. And I especially love the fact that she can’t talk back yet.

But soon I will have to deal with the terrible twos (and threes). Then she will learn to talk back to me. Later she will want to buy all sorts of frilly, pinkish stuff. After that she won’t want to acknowledge my existence. As a teenager, she will be a horrible little human being. Then she will stay home after college because there are no jobs for Art History majors other than flipping burgers. Then I will die and she will own everything.

[Too-much-information warning: do not read the rest of this post if you don't want to know] The night of my daughter’s conception, my dog got skunked. I could have used that as a warning sign if it had occurred earlier that evening. Darn!

It’s amazing that the human race has propagated despite our ability to learn from the past and predict the future.