Winning & Losing: Admit Guilt, Learn Shame, Acknowledge Defeat, Do Better

A new study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences indicates that gestures and signs that accompany emotions of winning and losing are part of nature rather than nurture. → source

According to this study, it appears that all athletes tend to demonstrate similar spontaneous expressions of pride and shame.  When athletes win, they expand their chests, tilt their heads and outstretch their arms. Amazingly, even those athletes who have been blind all their lives (and hence have not observed or learned this behavior) seem to demonstrate the same expressions. Not surprisingly, primates, whose DNA are eerily similar to humans, also demonstrate the same behavior. Evolution, anyone?!

Even expressions of shame seem to be universal with the exception of the Western world. Most humans and primates, the study suggests, adopt a posture of lowering heads, necks and shoulders when faced with shame or losing. The only exception appears to be in western human societies where it is customary to never admit guilt or accept fault.

OK everyone. Listen carefully. We, in the western part of the world, are in desperate need of learning how to lose. I argue that we should:

• Admit guilt – Have you noticed how we are never wrong? How’s this possible? Why can’t we look at ourselves and our actions objectively – more objectively than the person with whom we have a conflict? Do you truly believe that others recognize they are wrong but decide to be jerks despite of it? Not likely! We all think we are right, but we lack the simple capacity to examine our own actions and positions as evident to others. Studies suggest that doctors who admit guilt are less likely to be sued by their injured patients.
• Learn humility – Without humility and shame, we will never grow as individuals, we will never learn to correct our mistakes and wrong-doings as a society, and we will always look down at others who do not entirely agree with us. I know a number of religious individuals who belittle the Nobel peace prize simply because Al Gore was the most recent recipient of it. Why? Ghandi and Mother Teresa were also Nobel laureates. Is the prize any less noble because of Gore? Are Ghandi and Mother Teresa to be ridiculed because they share the same distinction as Gore?
• Acknowledge defeat – We are not all winners. In fact, most of us are losers. What benefit is gained by shielding our children from tasting defeat? The agony of defeat and the pain of losing are precisely the fuel behind unprecedented comebacks and achievements. Fostering a non-competitive atmosphere among children and young adults is an ill-advised strategy. I hope to never teach my daughter that she’s a winner when she’s not. A good cry, a broken heart, and some quality time to contemplate the reason for failure will server her well in life.

One last point. Notice that I said ‘acknowledge defeat’ not ‘accept defeat’. Accepting defeat implies giving up. That is not the sign of a winner. Acknowledging defeat is the first step to understanding the reason for failure and, subsequently, taking proper steps to mitigate and overcome its effects.