Who Says Secession Is Bad?

So a few months ago, everyone was talking about secession – OK, maybe just some Republicans in southern US States. All went quiet for a while until just recently.

As I think about secession, I’ve come to believe that it is not necessarily bad for America or that it will negatively impact our country.

Consider this. The old Soviet Union was  a super power and the controlling center of many states – willing and otherwise. Soviet Union’s breakup resulted in many independent countries; some prospered and some continue to struggle. Nevertheless, I believe that all those independent states are more content now than they were under the Soviet umbrella.

Think about it. Russia is just as powerful as when it was the Soviet Union. That power may not resemble that of the days of the cold war, but it is unmistakable. Russia is able to derail many UN resolutions by voting against them. It is able to alter the course of international policy purely by projecting (or retracting) its support. How many times in the past few years have we heard that Russia and China formed an alliance to oppose international sanctions or policy proposals?

By the same token, a separated United States could also conceivably remain just as powerful and effective but perhaps in different and, as of yet, undetermined ways.

Here’s more food for thought. Consider a severely contentious issue in American politics. Let’s choose abortion. I’m willing to bet money that if we asked Californians whether Texans should have access to abortion, a majority will say that they don’t really care. The greatest thing that matters to Californians about abortion is preservation of their own right to abortion. On the other hand, I’m betting the same amount of money that if we asked Texans the same question about abortion involving Californians, a majority will say that no one in the US should have access to abortion. In other words, the more Conservative and religious the state, the more likely it will be to impose its views on the entire union.

What does this tell us? Well, remember what this country was based upon: individual liberties for all and a non-dictatorial central government. So, why not permit a State such as Texas to secede from the union if the values of its people are in direct contradiction to those of the rest of the United States? Texas and anyone who cares to join this independent state will be happier and more free. In the process, the balance of power will remain the same for the rest of the union, and the US will continue to exist and prosper over time (once we get past this recession).

Change and opportunity come in one package. Embrace them.

Why Erin Andrew’s Peephole Video Was Good For Fox News

By now, everyone has heard about the infamous Erin Andrews peep-hole videos. Google it if you haven’t. A million people have blogged it already, so I will refrain from explaining the obvious. I will not weigh in on whether this was an inside job at ESPN, if this will boost Erin’s career, or how much pain this has brought to her life. But I have two observations that no one else seems to emphasize.

First, I find it fascinating that O’Reilly’s coverage of this event focused on how privacy in the digital age has all but disappeared. For a guy who regularly sends his producers out to stalk people that he doesn’t like, O’Reilly argument is stupid. He is one of the biggest violators of privacy himself. His whining about lack of privacy is hurting his credibility and my ears!

Second, I watched Geraldo Rivera’s segment on this issue, and I was stunned to hear him defend the right of the person(s) who recorded the videos. He said:

This is not necessarily a crime. Unless this is a state – there’s only 12 of them that I know – that require both parties to consent. If this is a single party state, and the guy is looking through a peep-hole, I don’t know what’s the crime? What’s the crime?

It really did take me a few minutes to make sense of why he was defending the videos. Now that I understand it, it’s so simple. Geraldo works for Fox News, and this is a clear way of justifying the hidden ACORN videos and defending the rights of the students who made them. I don’t see any other explanation.

By the way, don’t judge what I think of ACORN. You’re most likely going to guess wrong.

“Yes We Can” Played Backward Sounds Like “Thank You Satan”

Yes, we can . . . I mean . . . yes, it does!

I dismissed this at first. I could not see how “yes we can” could possibly sound like “thank you satan” when played backward. But after listening to a number of recordings and trying it for myself, I totally believe it. The thing to remember is that “thank you satan” doesn’t have to sound perfect. It just has to be phonetically close. Listen for yourself → Thank-you-Satan

Try it for yourself. If you have Windows OS, go to Sound Recorder and record “yes we can”. Do this a couple of times in a row so that you can get the full effect. Then play it backward (Reverse option under Effects menu). With a little imagination, it will sound like “thank you satan”.

Now do it the other way. Record “thank you satan” a few times in a row, and play it in reverse. This time it will sound like “yes we can”.

There we have it. Our President is thanking Satan. Well isn’t that special?

Where’s the Church Lady when you need her. If you don’t get that reference, you must be very young and I hate you.

Hello, Facebook Status Update . . . What’s Your Emergency?

Here’s one for the annual Darwin awards.

In early September, two teenagers became trapped in a storm drain in Adelaide, Australia. They had a mobile phone with them. Instead of using it to call emergency services (000 in Australia), they used it to update their Facebook status. → source

Technology in the wrong hands is a dangerous tool. I will now pause while you make your own jokes.

And don’t even think about defending these girls. Yes, I know that it’s better for many to call emergency services rather than only one. I also understand that texting usually uses less battery power than a phone call. Finally, I am well aware that if the girls were kidnapped and couldn’t talk, a Facebook update may have been more appropriate.

I’m betting it was none of the above. Considering that girls generally mature earlier than boys, long-term prospect for humanity frightens me. We’ve all done stupid things, but come on!

On a related note, I’d love to become a fan of “teenage girls trapped in a storm drain for an eternity, OMG OMG”, but can’t find the fan page.

This reminds me of a Steven Wright joke:

The other day at Macy’s the power went out. Fifty people were stuck on the escalator for half an hour.

Either these two girls are absolute idiots or they are visionary geniuses. Only time will tell. But for now, there’s only one thing to say: use your !@#$%^&* phone!

Stilettos Or Bust

That title ought to boost my traffic after a 4-month absence.

A wacky new thing is brewing in the UK. Unions and Podiatrists (now that’s a winning combination) are considering banning heels in the workplace. → source

Podiatrists state that wearing high heels can “cause blisters, corns, calluses, damaged joints, knee and back pain”. Gee, thanks for that penis-shrinking image. Also according to the article:

Some women argue that stiletto heels give them a power advantage in male-dominated workplaces because the shoes make them appear taller and enhance their sex appeal. Others consider the shoes demeaning and symbolic of the sexist subjugation of women and their health to satisfy male whims and fantasies.

I have news for those of you who think power and sex appeal come to women who wear high heels at work. It’s time to throw away your Snow White videos. You live in a fantasy world. The only men you gain power over are precisely the ones who see women as sexual objects in the first place. All you’re doing is fueling their fantasies. Duh!

I also have news for those of you who think heels subjugate and demean women. Wow, I applaud your misplaced sense of self-esteem! All those self-help, positive-affirmation books you’ve read have clearly given you a false sense of sexuality. It’s obvious that you think waaay too highly of yourselves. Trust me when I tell you that more than half of women in heels are not sexually appealing to males who do not use zit medication before being dropped of at High School. It’s time to get over yourselves.

Here’s another news flash. Why are high heels only about women? What about men? Have you ever thought about how wearing sexy heels may tease men? Aren’t you women, in a way, victimizing men? Think about it.

Why is there a debate? Why is wearing heels not the decision of each individual woman?

Heels or not, I personally don’t really care either way. I only have one request. Please refrain from wearing high heels with shorts under any and all circumstances. That’s not sexy in the least bit. Get a clue.

And as a parting gift, since I’ve alienated both men and women already, here’s a Yo Mamma joke:

Yo Mamma is so fat, she left the house in the morning in Stilettos and came back in the evening in sandals.

And no! That joke is not demeaning to women. It’s just a joke. If you disagree, then tell me how all the TV commercials depicting men as complete idiots and women as brains of humanity are not demeaning to men. See?!