We Will We Will Rock You – An Indian Interpretation

No words necessary. Just watch.

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The Significance Of April 19 & 20 In History

Today is April 20.

So you thought 13 was an unlucky number? April 19th & 20th are fraught with violence and terrorism in history. Here are some examples:

The Columbine High School massacre occurred on April 20, 1999.  Dead: 15; Injured: 24

The Oklahoma City bombing attack on Alfred Murrah Federal Building occurred on April 19, 1995.  Dead: 168; Injured: 680+

The Waco Siege ended in a fire on April 19, 1993.  Dead: 26, 20 of them were children

Nazi invasion of Warsaw Ghetto is often cited to have occurred on April 19th/20th. → source

Adolf Hitler was born on April 20, 1889.

The British attack on Massachusetts colonies occurred on April 19, 1775. That’s how you know about Paul Revere.

I can’t wait for April 21.

The French Solve “Nagging Spouse” Problem

Got a nagging spouse? Want him/her to stop? If you live in France, you’re in luck.

It appears that spouses who resort to verbal or psychological abuse could be criminally prosecuted under a new French law. → source

Perfect!

Next time my wife nags me about putting the toilet seat down, I’ll remind her that she’s technically a criminal – in France.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

By the way, I have a suggestion for men whose wives nag them about putting the toilet seat down. Offer one of these two compromises:

1. Both of you will have to put the lid down after use. This way, no one has an advantage.
2. Suggest that law of averages dictates that each use of the toilet will be by a different person. Therefore, men will have to put the toilet seat down so that it’s ready for ladies. Women will have to put the toilet seat up so that it’s ready for guys.

Yes, that’s the kind of gift I bring into my marriage!

Piano Stairs Triamph Over Escalator

Volkswagen’s fun theory

Hello, Facebook Status Update . . . What’s Your Emergency?

Here’s one for the annual Darwin awards.

In early September, two teenagers became trapped in a storm drain in Adelaide, Australia. They had a mobile phone with them. Instead of using it to call emergency services (000 in Australia), they used it to update their Facebook status. → source

Technology in the wrong hands is a dangerous tool. I will now pause while you make your own jokes.

And don’t even think about defending these girls. Yes, I know that it’s better for many to call emergency services rather than only one. I also understand that texting usually uses less battery power than a phone call. Finally, I am well aware that if the girls were kidnapped and couldn’t talk, a Facebook update may have been more appropriate.

I’m betting it was none of the above. Considering that girls generally mature earlier than boys, long-term prospect for humanity frightens me. We’ve all done stupid things, but come on!

On a related note, I’d love to become a fan of “teenage girls trapped in a storm drain for an eternity, OMG OMG”, but can’t find the fan page.

This reminds me of a Steven Wright joke:

The other day at Macy’s the power went out. Fifty people were stuck on the escalator for half an hour.

Either these two girls are absolute idiots or they are visionary geniuses. Only time will tell. But for now, there’s only one thing to say: use your !@#$%^&* phone!

Stilettos Or Bust

That title ought to boost my traffic after a 4-month absence.

A wacky new thing is brewing in the UK. Unions and Podiatrists (now that’s a winning combination) are considering banning heels in the workplace. → source

Podiatrists state that wearing high heels can “cause blisters, corns, calluses, damaged joints, knee and back pain”. Gee, thanks for that penis-shrinking image. Also according to the article:

Some women argue that stiletto heels give them a power advantage in male-dominated workplaces because the shoes make them appear taller and enhance their sex appeal. Others consider the shoes demeaning and symbolic of the sexist subjugation of women and their health to satisfy male whims and fantasies.

I have news for those of you who think power and sex appeal come to women who wear high heels at work. It’s time to throw away your Snow White videos. You live in a fantasy world. The only men you gain power over are precisely the ones who see women as sexual objects in the first place. All you’re doing is fueling their fantasies. Duh!

I also have news for those of you who think heels subjugate and demean women. Wow, I applaud your misplaced sense of self-esteem! All those self-help, positive-affirmation books you’ve read have clearly given you a false sense of sexuality. It’s obvious that you think waaay too highly of yourselves. Trust me when I tell you that more than half of women in heels are not sexually appealing to males who do not use zit medication before being dropped of at High School. It’s time to get over yourselves.

Here’s another news flash. Why are high heels only about women? What about men? Have you ever thought about how wearing sexy heels may tease men? Aren’t you women, in a way, victimizing men? Think about it.

Why is there a debate? Why is wearing heels not the decision of each individual woman?

Heels or not, I personally don’t really care either way. I only have one request. Please refrain from wearing high heels with shorts under any and all circumstances. That’s not sexy in the least bit. Get a clue.

And as a parting gift, since I’ve alienated both men and women already, here’s a Yo Mamma joke:

Yo Mamma is so fat, she left the house in the morning in Stilettos and came back in the evening in sandals.

And no! That joke is not demeaning to women. It’s just a joke. If you disagree, then tell me how all the TV commercials depicting men as complete idiots and women as brains of humanity are not demeaning to men. See?!

Most Shocking Healthy Foods – This Is Why We Are An Overweight Nation

Macaroni Grill’s Parmesan-Crusted Sole

Yahoo Health published an article yesterday titled ‘The Most Shocking “Healthy” Foods! (And What You Should Eat Instead!)‘. It’s totally worth a glance.

These are some signature dishes at famous restaurant chains. According to the article, the worst of them was Macaroni Grill’s Parmesan-Crusted Sole (see picture): 2,190 calories; 141 g fat (58 g saturated); 2,980 mg sodium; 145 g carbs.

That’s your entire day’s allowance for calories. Enjoy.

Christian Hypocricy In Light Of Obama’s Notre Dame Commencement Address

Obama At Notre Dame

 

By now, we all know about President Obama’s visit to Notre Dame. It was filled with controversy for Christians and especially for Catholics. Please! Get real! I have 2 quick observations:

First, I find it fascinating that the Republican party – the party that prides itself on less regulation and more personal responsibility – is so determined to pursue Constitutional Amendments against gay marriage and abortion. Whatever happened to leaving regulations to the States? Whatever happened to leaving personal matters to individuals’ decisions? Clearly, all that big talk apply only if they agree with your religious views and political agendas.

Second, let’s assume abortion is killing a living baby. I can truly accept and, in a way, believe that. Now, some one tell me how abortion can be viewed as a much worse act than killing a living person. Remember the 10 Commandments? Remember the sixth one: thou shalt not murder? No where does it say thou shalt not murder only the unborn. 

I find it absolutely hypocritical that most Christians who are so against abortion are precisely the same individuals whose core ideology is the same as that of Rush Limbaugh’s and Dick Cheney’s. The same ideology that merits we (the U.S.) are the king of the world, we should govern the world and protect ourselves at any cost, and if some innocent lives are lost in the process, so be it. Every time we drop bombs and rockets to kill terrorists, we inevitably kill some innocent by-standards in the process. Some of those innocent souls are children, newborns and even unborn. Therefore, we are violating the sixth commandment. Where’s the outrage? Where are the protests? 

In no way am I suggesting that we should not fiercely protect ourselves or avoid pre-emptive strikes. And I’m not so naive to think that we can do all that with no non-military casualties. But then I don’t have an existential crisis, and I’m not hypocritically against abortion while practically supporting the deaths of unborn and pregnant women in war. That is not for me to resolve. Those of you Christians who are against abortion and thought Obama’s visit to Notre Dame was an abomination must work this out between yourselves and your God. And be careful what conclusion you reach. If you believe that God agrees with your views and supports your plan, you have reached the wrong conclusion. It should be exactly the opposite!

Eternal damnation is not just for those who support or perform abortion. It is also for those who violate the sixth commandment. That could be you. Think about it.

Eating Bricks And Rocks For Breakfast. Yum, Yum

Parents, don’t let your kids grow up to eat anything they want. You should be firm: if you don’t eat your veggies, you can’t have any bricks for dessert.

Texas Board of Education Votes On Age Of Universe – Lying For Jesus, I See!

Here’s a new one from the “I know God agrees with me” files.

The Texas School Board recently held a meeting in which board member Barbara Cargill argued for improving Earth Science standard by replacing the phrase “the concept of an expanding universe that originated 14 billion years ago” with wording that “leaves it up to [students and teachers] to discuss how many billions of years“.

This is what happens when we humans futilely pretend to understand the true intention of the scripture, and attempt to awkwardly fit everything we know into what we believe the scripture says. Here are my observations:

• Everything we know, everything we observe, the amount of time it takes for the light of Sun to reach Earth, the gravitational models of stars, the orbits of planets, observed behavior of galaxies, carbon dating, etc. are all consistent with a universe that is about 14 billion years old. If you believe the age of the universe is only 6,000 years, then God must be personally sending your phone signals to cell phone towers, because those signals behave differently and have different speeds in a 6,000 year-old universe than ours.
• Can science explain everything? Of course not. There are major holes in all theories. Here’s the point. Gravity existed long before Newton worked on his gravitational theory. Similarly, the nature of gravity was unchanged when Einstein modified Newtonian gravity in his 3 dimensional representation of astronomical objects. Theory does not mean untrue.
• Contrary to what Ms. Cargill claims, there are not different estimates of the age of the universe. From a scientific perspective, the estimates are 13.7 billion years plus and minus about 200 million years. That’s an uncertainty of 1.5% which, by itself, does not constitute a different estimate. It’s a long way from 13.7 billion down to 6,000.
• From the “I know that literal interpretation of the Genesis is right and I’m sticking to it” perspective, the universe was created 1,000 years after the Sumerians invented glue! If Jesus was around, he would reach out and slap you, followed by saying ‘if you’re not going to use the intelligence I’ve given you, then here’s your sign’.
• Don’t get me started on the idea of “God created an aged universe”. You’re only fooling yourself, not God. Again, all you’re doing is making a futile attempt at fitting everything within the model of what you think the scripture says. Wow, God sure seems like a very impatient fellow if he had to fast forward the age of the universe. I wonder what remote control model  he’s got? I want one.