Learn To Get What You Want Through Mutual Respect Rather Than With Force

There are 2 ways of getting what you want:

1. With force, rules and a heavy hand
2. With respect, love and affection, and mutual understanding

The art of negotiation requires education, information, experience, awareness, and an arsenal of tools. I’m not an expert in this area but, more often than not, I seem to be able to get what I want. And my approach, more often than not, in achieving persuasion is with a soft touch and through reaching mutual trust. 

Case in point: Police vs bicyclists without helmets

National Organization For Marriage As Pathetic As Perez Hilton

Well, it was just a matter of time.  Miss California will soon start in a new $1.5 million ad campaign that is funded by the National Organization for Marriage. → source

According to the group, the ad will call “gay marriage advocates to account for their unwillingness to debate the real issue: gay marriage has consequences.”

OK, let’s get real. I’m calling BS on this.

First, I have nothing but respect for Prejean for answering her Miss USA’s question exactly as she saw it. She didn’t pretend or bend the truth. Good for her.

Second, everyone – including most gay activists – knows that Perez Hilton is a pathetic low-life stupid loser jerk and an irrelevant prick. Enough said.

Third, National Organization for Marriage is just as pathetic as Perez Hilton, albeit an even bigger loser than him because it’s an organization with more influence.

National Organization for Marriage

Think about it: National Organization for Marriage (NOM). What should such a name connotate? To me, the name resonates the idea that this organization is established to address all things related to marriage. What are some of the most pressing issues with marriage? Google has the answer:

1. Infidelity
2. divorce rate of over 50%

If NOM wants to include gay marriage on their agenda, that’s perfectly fine. However, go to NOM’s website and look around a little just so that you can prove to yourself that I’m correct in the following assertion. There is not one mention of divorce and how to avoid it – not even under the heading of ‘why marriage matters’. There’s not one article about adultery and how to prevent it – not even under the heading of ‘the threat to marriage’. You’ll find no links to resources for marriage counseling. No where will you find anything on maintaining a long-term healthy marriage. 

You will, however, find information on which California businesses to boycott, learn about their religious liberty ad campaign, and how to donate money so that they can lobby Congress against gay marriage.

National Organization for Marriage: just as pathetic as Perez Hilton, but bigger.

Do You Have A Nagging Wife? Useful Instructions Here!

And now a story from the ‘marriage from hell’ hall of fame.

Twenty two year-old Alexei Roskov has a problem. In fact, it’s quite a nagging problem. You see, his wife nags him a lot. She nags him so much that Alexei decided to take matters into his own hands. One day, he downed 3 bottles of vodka, opened the kitchen window of their Moscow apartment, and hurled himself out. → source

Amazingly, he survived the 50 ft fall with not even a scratch on him! After staggering back upstairs, his wife called for an ambulance and promptly began to, you guessed it, nag and scold him. So Alexei did what any other rational husband would do. He jumped out of the very same window again.

Medics treated him for minor cuts and bruises.

In an interview, Alexei summed up the events this way:

“I have no idea why I jumped the first time but when I came back up and I heard my wife screaming angrily at me I thought it was best if I left the room again – out of the window.”

How Not To Propose – A Milkshake Story

Guys. Don’t get too creative when you’re ready to propose. Keep it simple. The more complicated and elaborate the plan, the more ways it can go wrong.

On the other hand, this story is worth its weight in gold. How can you ever top that? Every time she looks at her ring, she’ll be reminded of a bathroom trip. How nice for the young couple!

Guys, This Is Your Ticket To Getting Out Of Watching Romantic Movies

OK guys. Pay very close attention. This is nothing short of a Christmas gift for most of us.

A new study conducted at Heriot Watt University’s Family and Personal Relationships Laboratory in Edinburgh suggests that watching romantic movies may in fact negatively affect your love life. → source

Scientists concluded that romantic movies give unrealistic and unhealthy expectations about real-life relationships. Odds of finding a soul-mate are not that great. One of the researchers, Dr Holmes, said: ‘There’s a notion of destiny and couples in romantic comedies immediately understand each other. If you think that’s how things are, you are setting yourself up to be disappointed.’

Interestingly, my wife and I had a long chat many yeas ago about watching romantic movies. She is keenly aware of the possibility of projectile vomiting as well as uncontrollable eye-rolling movements by me if the story gets too sappy. Let’s just say we understand each other on this issue. We hardly go to the movies anymore. They’re too expensive and a 20 month-old baby makes movie going tough. Instead, we watch DVDs at home. And if romantic stories are involved in any way, I always have a genuine airplane barf bag as well as my fully-charged laptop ready and accessible.

So, guys! If you’re desperate to get out of watching too many romantic comedies (and I know who you are), feel free to use the following open letter to make your point to your significant other.

My Dearest <name>,

We’ve been together longer than I care to recall without a stiff drink <fill in a number> glorious <months / years>. You have been the biggest constant pain a human being should be allowed to experience joy in my life. Your romantic approach to life has been nothing short of a welcome miracle for me. <loud, uncontrollable laughter> My heart is filled with nothing but clogged arteries due to your cooking love and joy for you and our relationship. And that is precisely why I feel compelled to bring up the following topic as a point of conversation. What the hell else am I going to do? You won’t let me watch TV when we’re eating dinner.

A new study suggests that watching too many any romantic movies/comedies may result in uncontrolled projectile vomiting unexpected and unhealthy expectations that could adversely affect our relationship.

At the heart of the matter is the exaggerated expectations of life that such movies portray which you expect to achieve in our relationship. For God’s sake, don’t you know that everday life is just not really that exciting and sparks don’t fly 24/7 without interruption? I’m sure you agree that our daily life together is always exciting and our love gains more strength and momentum with each passing day. No romantic movie can possibly compete with the romance and the ever-present spark that is present in our relationship. I hope this B.S. sticks because I’m laying it on pretty thick.

No movie can live up to our standard of romance. huh! Therefore, I propose to you that watching any romantic comedy is a complete waste of our splendidly fabulous time together.

Remember, love is grand. Divorce is twenty grand.

Love, <your name>

Is That A Gun In Your Hand During Sex Or Are You Just Stupid?

Talk about naked gun! 

Just in case you are unaware of this possibility, here’s a news flash. Sex and guns don’t mix!

Imagine that you’re an Ohio man. You’re having sex with your estranged wife, who happens to have a restraining order against you. Hey, we’re talking sex here. Civil protection orders don’t apply to consensual sex, do they? In any event, you spot her gun in bed. You think to yourself: self! This gun in bed represents somewhat of a dangerous situation. I think I’ll move it to the nightstand or put it on the floor or . . . And the gun goes off shooting her in the chest. Bummer man. 

If those two did this much banging when they were married, their kids wouldn’t look like the mailman, and they would not be estranged.

What’s the first thing you must do after this tragic but intriguing accident? Call 911, of course.

Is it just me or does this dude look like Joe the plumber?

Here’s a news article:
http://www.wlwt.com/news/18196466/detail.html

This Is Why You Should Always Elope

Save your money. Don’t waste it on elaborate wedding plans. And for God’s sake, don’t invite Klutzy guests.

This video is probably a fake setup, but it’s funny nonetheless.

credit goes to failblog

Personality Test For Men – With Christian The Lion

Men, watch this video first and take the test below. If you’re a woman and prone to crying easily, stop reading this post and go here.

Here’s the test. Get a pencil and paper ready to add up your score.

1. If you think this video is cool: +100 points
2. If you think this video is heart-warming: -1,000 points
3. If you wished the lion ate the men: +1,000 points
4. If cried or your eyes teared up and you were alone: -1,000 points
5. If you cried in the presence of your wife: +1,000 points
6. If you cried in the presence of your Mother or Sister: -1,000 points
7. If you cried in the presence of one or more women who are not related to you: +10,000 points
8. If you cried in the presence of a man: -1,000,000 points
9. If you cried in the presence of two or more men:
   -1,000,000,000 points
10. If you cried in the presence of two or more men while drinking beer: -1,000,000,000,000 points
11. If you cried in the presence of one or more gay men: 0 points, I don’t judge!
12. If you think lions are just big fluffy cats: -1,000 points and a dope slap
13. If you want to find your own abandoned lion cub: -1,000 and a swift kick in the butt
14. If you’ve actually been keeping score so far: -1,000 points and a reality check

My Kid Is A Bundle Of Joy? I Beg To Differ!

Shut up already about how much joy your kids bring into your life! Stop pretending. The jig is up.

A new study conducted by Florida State University has validated what I’ve thought for years and have been saying for the past 15 months. Are you ready for this? They discovered that children may not make parents happier and that childless adults, contrary to popular stereotypes, may often be more contented than people with kids. Robin Simon, one of the authors of this study says that parents “definitely experienced more depression.”

Thank God, Alluh, and Buddah that other people feel the same way as I do, even though no one is willing to publicly admit it.

I do not like newborns. There is no joy in taking care of them. They may be little miracles, but they are too fragile, unable to communicate, tough to predict, and a complete pain in the butt. You (yes, you the reader) feel the same way too; you just don’t want anyone else to know.

My daughter is now 15 months old, and I believe this is the sweetest time ever. I love her smiles and giggles. I enjoy showing and teaching her new things. I love to see her learn new skills daily. I love how she points to everything that she wants, and she knows what she wants – she’s a female. I love discovering her personality which reveals itself a little bit every day. And I especially love the fact that she can’t talk back yet.

But soon I will have to deal with the terrible twos (and threes). Then she will learn to talk back to me. Later she will want to buy all sorts of frilly, pinkish stuff. After that she won’t want to acknowledge my existence. As a teenager, she will be a horrible little human being. Then she will stay home after college because there are no jobs for Art History majors other than flipping burgers. Then I will die and she will own everything.

[Too-much-information warning: do not read the rest of this post if you don't want to know] The night of my daughter’s conception, my dog got skunked. I could have used that as a warning sign if it had occurred earlier that evening. Darn!

It’s amazing that the human race has propagated despite our ability to learn from the past and predict the future.

Brilliant Study: Old Phones End Up In Drawers. Duh!

A global survey conducted by Nokia has revealed that most old mobile phones are left in drawers.

I would now like to declare a big DUH! I don’t know how much Nokia paid for this survey, but I would have taken only 1% of the money they coughed up, and had given them EXACTLY the same answer.

Only 3% of the 6,500 people interviewed for the survey said that they recycled their mobile phones (and my guess is that about half of them are lying). The good news is that only 4 percent of old phones end up in landfills. The survey further found that some people also give old phones to friends and family.

Speaking of drawers . . . If you’re a man, check out your wife’s underwear drawer. I guarantee you will find underwear in there that you’ve never, ever seen on your wife before. The second shocking discovery by you men will be that most of what you haven’t seen your wife wear is actually colorful, sexy, exotic, and very expensive. Can you say Victoria’s Secret?

I will now pause until you men come to your final and inevitable realization, especially if your wife’s name is Victoria. If those sexy lingerie are not for you, then . . .

Don’t let your wife convince you that the lingerie are for her, and that wearing them helps her feel good and sexy about herself. Trust me, that’s only partially true – the part about feeling good and sexy . . . in your absence.

Don’t worry men. It’s not all bad news. I guarantee you have in fact seen your wife wear every pair of socks that she owns. See! Everything she wears is for you and your pleasure – especially those old socks. You can go back to watching TV now!